I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Enjoy the penises
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
