my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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