don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
