batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There r osticjed everywhere
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
