My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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