I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
