i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
