and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
