i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
