Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize