I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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