All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
