I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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