If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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