Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
