When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
