Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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