Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
