Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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