he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize