IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
