not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
where does the pee come out of this thing
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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