I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
