Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
