do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
