Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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