And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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