She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize