I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
