Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
