I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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