I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
