Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
