I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
