She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
