she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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