Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
