I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
