I can feel you judging me through the phone.
where does the pee come out of this thing
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize