We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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