Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
