I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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