Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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