Your dad touched me again.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
