____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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