i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
