well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
COCAINE IS GR8
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
