I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
did i walk over a car last night?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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