this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
