sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
