i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
