Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
