I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
