I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize