just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
