laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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