I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
