Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
