Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
