You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize