Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
