20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
