I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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