mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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