oh god the rape fog is back!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
