Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize