I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
