is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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